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8 February 2018

Writing, reading, dreaming, praying.

Peter is out, the house is quiet save for the rhythmic ticking of the mantle clock and the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen next door. Soft lamplight draws shadows on the walls as I sit curled under a blanket, pen in hand, a white blanket of possibility on my lap.

In the stillness, thoughts run through my head on the next ‘meaningful’ topic I could write about.

No subject comes to mind.

Writing is an activity I have an engaged in almost daily since I was nine years old. I have journal after journal chronicling childhood holidays in minute detail (down to the hour we had dinner and what we ate…), teenage hopes, dreams, crushes, fears, disappointments. More recently the words and sentences have turned from a record of memories to musings on subjects and people that catch the attention of my mind and heart.

Little thrills me more than beginning a new journal – fresh, crisp pages ready to capture my thoughts as they tumble down; sometimes logically, often in a jumble that may only make sense to me. Writing is part of me but when life if full it is a part that is pushed into hibernation along with reading, dreaming and praying. Some days there seems to be only enough hours to get the urgent things done while the important things slip quietly, almost unnoticed to the periphery.

Last year I read a book of letters by the Dutch priest Henri Nouwen to his nephew, Marc. In the first letter Nouwen writes, ‘…if I were to let my life be taken over by what is urgent, I might very well never get around to what is essential. It’s so easy to spend your whole time being preoccupied with urgent matters and never starting to live, really live.’

Intention.

Almost without choosing to, I let the urgent things dictate how I spend my working days. In my leisure, I allow the quick fixes of sound bites on the internet and binge watching TV series replace the activities that give me life; many days that seems easier.

I want to live with more intention, choosing not to allow dust to collect on the important things; choosing instead to pursue those things that make me who I am.

17 August 2017

On Cowsheds, Jesus and Rest

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This blog post has been months in the making… about 18 months actually. I have had so many ideas of how I could approach this but nothing that was clear. So here goes… let’s see where we end up!

3 weeks ago I was in a big cowshed in the middle of a showground with about 2000 other people, all wanting to learn more about loving Jesus and loving people. I appreciate that may sound strange to some reading this but it’s something I have done nearly every summer for the past 11 years (minus a couple of years where I took a hiatus due to LOTS of weddings).

Why, I hear you ask, would you want to spend your time in a cowshed, learning about Jesus?

Well… Jesus is the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I may have exaggerated slightly by calling the main meeting place a cowshed. There were no cows. It was more like a warehouse and I’m not sure cows actually ever step foot in it; though we were on a showground so I’m sure cows make some appearance on site throughout the year…

Another reason for spending part of my summer with lots of other people learning about Jesus is that there is something rather amazing about realising that there are many people other people who love Jesus too and are passionate about seeing change and helping other people to know the goodness of God.

But this year, the main reason I was there was for me. I was empty, exhausted and had nothing left to give to anyone. It had been a particularly busy, sometimes stressful first half of 2017 and I think I had forgotten some of the most important things about who I am. I was definitely less rooted and secure than I have been at other points in my life. I needed to remind myself of who I am and who my God is.

Everyday there were main meetings where we worshipped Jesus and learnt from the Bible and there were seminars too about how we can live for God where we are. There was so much to get involved in and do but all week the one thing that I knew God was saying was “REST”.

“Rest in my love, rest in the knowledge that I have everything under control, rest being sure that nothing can tear you away from me… Rest”

I didn’t go to many seminars, I simply enjoyed being in the company of good friends and spending time on my own, praying, listening to what God wanted to say, reading the Bible, just being still.

After a week of being in His presence, I came away so rested, so relax, so at peace. All it took was a week of focussing on my Saviour instead of focussing on doing and I changed.

Wouldn’t it be great if the story from then was one of calm and peace?

I’ve found it’s so easy to slip back into old habits and ways of thinking; it’s so easy to go from a place of dependence back to a place of independence and start worrying about how I’m going to do all the things I need to do. Then I stop praying regularly and stop reading the Bible; I begin to lose myself in the old distractions: Facebook, Youtube, Netflix… I stop believing that He has my back and soon I start panicking again, feeling the old tightness in my head and my heart and I start believing it’s all on me to make sure things run smoothly and everything gets done on time.

Anyone else? Just me?

But His still, small voice breaks through the mists that cloud my thinking, calling me back, offering protection and peace and I know where I need to be, right back in His loving embrace that makes all the worry disappear because He knows the plans He has for me. He knows my past, my present and my future, He has protected me and provided for me this far and he is not about to let go now. He has told me who I am, how He sees me, delights in me and loves me and I know that there is no better place to be, no-one’s arms who I would rather be in. So I cry out, ‘Father, help!’ and He is right there, He’d never left and He makes clear the things that were hazy and makes me secure again.

That’s what dwelling with Him means – it’s as simple as choosing to focus on Him despite the chaos surrounding you, choosing to trust that He tells the truth, knows who you are, calls you by name and has your back.

I could have written on the theology of rest. I can quote you so many verses on resting, being still, coming into His presence. All of that would have been good but maybe my small testimony of what I have learnt this summer is more than enough.

24 September 2016

Who can stop the Lord Almighty?

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Recently, I’ve been struck by just how awesome (in the truest sense of the word) God is. I’ve been reminded again and again of his power, might and majesty. It’s very easy to focus solely on the Fathering nature of God. We like to hear that God is gentle and kind. We love the scriptures which talk of him ‘singing over us’, of quietening us with his love, of being our good shepherd. While all of these things are so good to meditate on and should never be ignored, I think we can sometimes forget the largeness of God’s character. He is all those things I’ve mentioned but He is so much more too.

There’s a song we sing at church, a line of which says:

‘Who can stop the Lord Almighty?’

It’s a rhetorical question – no-one can stop him. He is the Lord Almighty.

When God gives his name to Moses in Exodus, he calls himself Yahweh, commonly written as LORD in English Bibles. Loosely translated it mean ‘I am who I am’. There’s gravity in His name. It speaks of a God who always was, is now and forever will be. It echoes with eternity.

Often he is referred to not just as Lord but as Lord Almighty, just as in the song. The dictionary definition of Almighty states this: ‘having complete power; omnipotent’. So Lord Almighty means ‘I am who I am and I have complete power’. It is such a big concept, I just can’t comprehend it. I’m sitting here, writing this, trying to take in all it means to know a God who has complete power and authority, who can do whatever he wants and yet still chooses to love humanity and send His son to die for us so that we could be free… Wow!

The Bible teaches that all that God says, he means, so when it says that every knee will bow before him, that’s what He means. It’s not if, might or maybe, it’s will. There is absolute certainty. When God speaks, stuff happens and he does not say things lightly. He speaks light into darkness and darkness does not overcome it. He speaks purpose and hope and fear and despair cannot overcome them. He speaks life and death is defeated. Nothing and no-one can stop him.

It’s easy to look at the world and get offended at God for all the suffering and pain and I have struggled when I read that God’s plans are to prosper and not to harm, especially in the light I’ve what I’ve just written above. I’ve asked the question over and over, ‘then why can life be so awful?’ I think God’s beginning to answer that question – even though I still don’t fully understand, and this side of eternity, maybe I never will.

I feel that God’s teaching me that it is always His plan to prosper and not to harm; that’s it’s not his plan that any should suffer but that there is an adversary (the devil, satan…) working against the advance of His kingdom. This adversary brings pain, death and destruction when God’s kingdom is all about bringing light and life. However, God is all-powerful and He has a good plan, a plan for the furtherance of His Kingdom, that started with the resurrection of Jesus and continues, despite the suffering that the enemy wishes to mete out.

It’s tempting to think that this life on earth is all we have but God’s promises are for eternity and that’s so much longer than our span of life. Whatever we have to endure now, whatever trials, tribulations or distresses, are momentary in the light of eternity. That’s not to say it doesn’t hurt but living with a bigger perspective, living with an eternal perspective means that we have such hope – that the pain won’t last forever, that one day it will all be over and over forever. God’s kingdom is advancing, His gospel is being preached, people are being healed even now and one day it won’t be healing happening on one side and death happening on the other. We can’t forget that His ultimate plan is for a new heaven and a new earth where there is no more pain and suffering.

And best of all… No-one can stop him!